Grief + Loss {family}

Two weeks ago, I shared my eulogy about my beloved Mason. I am still struggling to come to terms with him not being here. I still expect him to be here when I walk in the door, to see his head pop up, to feed him dinner, to wake up next to him. Grief is funny. My brother assures me that it takes 6 months to lessen. It just seems like an eternity because the loss is still so palpable. This dog was legendary.

I'm still trying to slowly put things away. Last week, I delivered the unused open dry dog food to a shelter. They offered to let me snuggle some puppies, but I'm just not ready yet. Plus I'm not sure I trust myself to not bring one home to try to fill this empty spot...

I am slowly retelling the story--to friends and family. It took a week to talk about it with my cousin Brett (who brought home Mason's sister Penelope) it was the first time I talked about it in detail...thankfully he understood.

I washed his blanket, and I moved his dog bed from next to our bed to the other side of our bedroom. Eventually I'll figure out what to do with it. Today is just not that day. I put away his bowls. I still haven't washed his nose drags off the glass at the back door. I'll do that soon. Maybe.

Today, I brought home Mason's ashes. They're still in the bag. I was surprised that they came in a beautiful wooden box.

Yesterday, I had lunch with my neighbor and she asked if Mason had come to visit...and I replied that he had not. And later in the afternoon, I picked up the boys from school and noticed we had a box at our front door. When I opened it, I was overcome with grief--but it felt so good.

The attached card read: "What we have enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we deeply love becomes a part of us." Helen Keller --Um, wow. Isn't that the truth?!

I had forgotten that the day after we lost Mason, we happened to see a Weimaraner in the car pick up line at school. I'd never seen a Weimaraner there before and haven't since. It was a reassuring sighting, and I was happy the kids were able to see that dog too. It felt like Mason was visiting. Then to come home to this box, with this beautiful artwork--I don't think I've ever hung up artwork so quickly! I had moved Mason's bed and thought to myself I wanted to hang a picture there...this is so perfect in that spot!

The artwork is by Juniper Avery Sea Glass. Isn't it beautiful?!

Special thanks to all the love. It definitely has touched my heart. And I know that over time, I will feel better.  I've already been feeling so much better...I hate not having a dog here. And I know that when the time is right, the right dog will find us. Hopefully, soon.

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Giving Up Facebook {Life}

Some years I really struggle trying to figure out something to give up for Lent. I don't really have any horrible habits, I don't smoke, barely drink, most of the time could care less about chocolate or candy, or any particular food for that matter. It might be a sacrifice to give up eating out...but I really don't even do that very often.

So, for a while I would floss for Lent. I figured what better way to integrate something I should be doing into my daily life!

This year, I decided I would floss for Lent (and already I'm breaking the rules!) and I would give up Facebook. Cold turkey.

I had seen a few posts on {fat} Tuesday where people warned they would be giving up Facebook for the next 40 days, letting people know they should call or email if they wanted to stay in touch.  After seeing a few posts of that nature, it was clear by Tuesday afternoon that I should really be giving Facebook up too.

Tuesday after dinner and putting the boys to bed, I told my husband about my plan. I think he was a little shocked. Maybe my addiction was a little clearer to him...but just not to me. {He may have actually said something about it being better for our marriage?!}

Yesterday was the first day I hadn't logged on in longer than I can remember...the last time probably was when I went to St. Lucia back in 2010, that was probably only because I didn't want to pay for international data rates.

I really needed a break from Facebook.

It's apparent when during the course of the day I think of checking something on FB, of writing to someone to ask a question, of opening my iPhone and noticing that the app is missing on my home screen. Yes, there is an emptiness, but already I am noticing that I feel a little freer. I might still have thoughts of a friend I want to contact {um, Renee, if you are reading this and you have a baby, can you please text me?} or absentmindedly check my phone just to pass the time...maybe even have a slight worry that I might miss something. But REALLY, I'm having a little clarity about what I've really been missing...what is right in front of me: my children, my husband, my dog who had his nails clipped for the first time in way too long probably because I was busy scrolling facebook instead of paying attention to his long nails... my house, my UGGS who badly needed to be cleaned and waterproofed, my kitchen counters that needed to be wiped down, my photo collection that needed to be backed up and "managed." I'm amazed about my own productiveness now that I don't have such a big distraction in my life.

I know I'll be back, but hopefully these next 38 days will help me re balance and reorganize my priorities.

I'm off to clean my kitchen, but if you need me, leave a comment, send an email (daniellebartran at gmail.com) or give me a call, I've got time to chat!

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Busy Little Bee {life}

Yesterday afternoon after pre-school drop off, I sprinted through Lowes + picked up all the wood I needed to build a new sewing table. {That's normal, right?} You should've seen me jamming 8' boards into my Prius!! 

I'd been using my dad's childhood desk...plus an itty bitty table...and an antique drafting table...but none fit the bill perfectly. Hopefully my new sewing table provides enough space for my three sewing machines, or whatever quilt projects I might be working on.

The table just needs the top to be finished and to attempt to repair a leg that's a little wonky...and then I'm going to stain it...so hopefully I'll be finished today! 

This week I finished some awesome baby projects + I'm knee deep in a new quilt. I feel like quite the busy bee...

I'll be back soon to share pictures. This feels like a good way to start the year: lots of productivity!!

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What Happened to My Baby? {Life}

It has suddenly {finally} dawned on me that my baby is not really a baby any more. It's exciting to hear him talk up a storm, and tell me what he wants and needs. He loves feeding the dog, all by himself. It's slightly annoying to hear him tell me "no" and insist on buckling his car seat like his big brother. But really it's amazing to see him grow. 

All of the sudden, bedtime was turning into a nightmare. Our little guy was refusing to sleep. He's stopped napping {just in time for school to start-womp wah!} and all of the sudden was completely fighting me about going into his crib. And then having a bloody-murder scream fest once he was in his crib. {awesome!}

Two children in, I've realized I don't always have the fight. {Pick Your Battles?!} As much as I'd love him to just do whatever I'd like...it's just not always possible. He's growing up. So when it dawned on me that his screams were because he was flipping about being in his crib, I pulled him out of bed, and then pulled his mattress out of the crib and tossed it floor...removing the mattress has completely turned things around. He loves sleeping in his big boy bed! No crying! No screaming! And his big brother loves tucking him in, it's adorable. 

Now we're dealing with early wake ups...oh well. 

I am working on tons of projects and have a bunch to share, so stay tuned! 

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What I'm Up To

As I mentioned yesterday, my days seem oddly all over the place. 

So here is a brief take on my day today:

I spent a large part of my day searching for a vacuum attachment that my little one had yesterday. It's still missing!

I cleaned. 

I put up pictures. 

I sewed. 

I made pizza dough with Callum. 

I vacuumed. 

We are still waiting for window coverings. I think they should arrive in about two more weeks! In the meantime, our neighbors are getting full view, except for the two bedrooms with "fort kit curtains." I'm amazed how long the suction cups have held!

I'm slowly hanging pictures that have been sitting in piles. Slow progress:

The laundry room is coming along:

As usual my desk is a mess, with huge piles. But today, I made three framed burlap pin boards for about $20. 

The three pin boards are $5 frames from Walmart. I spray painted them navy blue. Then I used 2 pieces of foam board from the Dollar Tree, trimmed down to fit the glass opening. I covered each piece with blue burlap from Hobby Lobby, spraying the foam core with spray adhesive to help hold it down. I fit the burlap covered foam core into the picture frame opening, using the existing closures to hold the pin board in. Easy!

I also feel like the boy's bathroom is just about done...and freshly cleaned!

I changed out the artwork of the boys manscaping. It used to be a pic of Callum holding Cole for the first time. 

I also drilled hangers onto this rickety old frame...I've had it a really long time and it is so beat up. I keep on using it though. In a previous life it was in our bathroom, now it's holding artwork in our hallway. 

I think I need to tighten the lowest string. Maybe tomorrow. 

Oh, and I washed my hair. And then dried and straightened it. It is an insane mop. I need a haircut! It took way too long. 

Sorry for the strange selfie. 

So that's what's happening in my house. 

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