Grief + Loss {family}

Two weeks ago, I shared my eulogy about my beloved Mason. I am still struggling to come to terms with him not being here. I still expect him to be here when I walk in the door, to see his head pop up, to feed him dinner, to wake up next to him. Grief is funny. My brother assures me that it takes 6 months to lessen. It just seems like an eternity because the loss is still so palpable. This dog was legendary.

I'm still trying to slowly put things away. Last week, I delivered the unused open dry dog food to a shelter. They offered to let me snuggle some puppies, but I'm just not ready yet. Plus I'm not sure I trust myself to not bring one home to try to fill this empty spot...

I am slowly retelling the story--to friends and family. It took a week to talk about it with my cousin Brett (who brought home Mason's sister Penelope) it was the first time I talked about it in detail...thankfully he understood.

I washed his blanket, and I moved his dog bed from next to our bed to the other side of our bedroom. Eventually I'll figure out what to do with it. Today is just not that day. I put away his bowls. I still haven't washed his nose drags off the glass at the back door. I'll do that soon. Maybe.

Today, I brought home Mason's ashes. They're still in the bag. I was surprised that they came in a beautiful wooden box.

Yesterday, I had lunch with my neighbor and she asked if Mason had come to visit...and I replied that he had not. And later in the afternoon, I picked up the boys from school and noticed we had a box at our front door. When I opened it, I was overcome with grief--but it felt so good.

The attached card read: "What we have enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we deeply love becomes a part of us." Helen Keller --Um, wow. Isn't that the truth?!

I had forgotten that the day after we lost Mason, we happened to see a Weimaraner in the car pick up line at school. I'd never seen a Weimaraner there before and haven't since. It was a reassuring sighting, and I was happy the kids were able to see that dog too. It felt like Mason was visiting. Then to come home to this box, with this beautiful artwork--I don't think I've ever hung up artwork so quickly! I had moved Mason's bed and thought to myself I wanted to hang a picture there...this is so perfect in that spot!

The artwork is by Juniper Avery Sea Glass. Isn't it beautiful?!

Special thanks to all the love. It definitely has touched my heart. And I know that over time, I will feel better.  I've already been feeling so much better...I hate not having a dog here. And I know that when the time is right, the right dog will find us. Hopefully, soon.

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