Grief + Loss {family}

Two weeks ago, I shared my eulogy about my beloved Mason. I am still struggling to come to terms with him not being here. I still expect him to be here when I walk in the door, to see his head pop up, to feed him dinner, to wake up next to him. Grief is funny. My brother assures me that it takes 6 months to lessen. It just seems like an eternity because the loss is still so palpable. This dog was legendary.

I'm still trying to slowly put things away. Last week, I delivered the unused open dry dog food to a shelter. They offered to let me snuggle some puppies, but I'm just not ready yet. Plus I'm not sure I trust myself to not bring one home to try to fill this empty spot...

I am slowly retelling the story--to friends and family. It took a week to talk about it with my cousin Brett (who brought home Mason's sister Penelope) it was the first time I talked about it in detail...thankfully he understood.

I washed his blanket, and I moved his dog bed from next to our bed to the other side of our bedroom. Eventually I'll figure out what to do with it. Today is just not that day. I put away his bowls. I still haven't washed his nose drags off the glass at the back door. I'll do that soon. Maybe.

Today, I brought home Mason's ashes. They're still in the bag. I was surprised that they came in a beautiful wooden box.

Yesterday, I had lunch with my neighbor and she asked if Mason had come to visit...and I replied that he had not. And later in the afternoon, I picked up the boys from school and noticed we had a box at our front door. When I opened it, I was overcome with grief--but it felt so good.

The attached card read: "What we have enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we deeply love becomes a part of us." Helen Keller --Um, wow. Isn't that the truth?!

I had forgotten that the day after we lost Mason, we happened to see a Weimaraner in the car pick up line at school. I'd never seen a Weimaraner there before and haven't since. It was a reassuring sighting, and I was happy the kids were able to see that dog too. It felt like Mason was visiting. Then to come home to this box, with this beautiful artwork--I don't think I've ever hung up artwork so quickly! I had moved Mason's bed and thought to myself I wanted to hang a picture there...this is so perfect in that spot!

The artwork is by Juniper Avery Sea Glass. Isn't it beautiful?!

Special thanks to all the love. It definitely has touched my heart. And I know that over time, I will feel better.  I've already been feeling so much better...I hate not having a dog here. And I know that when the time is right, the right dog will find us. Hopefully, soon.

Facebook Comments Plugin Bloggerized by BloggerTricks.Biz

Remember that time Cole had a cashew nut stuck in his lung?!...

So our Thanksgiving accidentally became pretty eventful...

I'll save the story about how we put the kids to bed and then my husband almost ran himself over with the 1978 Jeep that he'd bought...and discovered the parking break doesn't work...

This time I'll tell you about the time my 2 year old laughed while eating a handful of cashew nuts and without us realizing it...INHALED THEM. Apparently that is a thing...kids accidentally inhaling foreign bodies. It was completely off my radar, and took nearly a week for me to put 2+2 together.

The Saturday before Thanksgiving Cole had choked on some cashew nuts. I figured the cough he had was caused by a mixture of the crazy weather and irritating his throat from choking on the nuts. He was fine Sunday. Then spiked a fever on Monday. Seemed fine on Tuesday, but spiked a fever again on Wednesday...right as I was about to go to the store to get the fixings for Thanksgiving {priorities!} Like any Mom, I hate to see my children sick and had called the pediatrician numerous times to arrange a visit but then the fever would go away. I spoke to the nurse and she gave me some advice. It wasn't until Thursday night (around the time my husband almost ran himself over with the Jeep) that I went to check in on my little guy after he'd gone to bed. He had dark circles around his eyes, and I caught a horror: what if something is seriously wrong?! I went to bed thinking about him being very sick, and was honestly upset by the thought...I woke up on Friday morning and clear as day I knew: what if he had inhaled the cashew nut.

I climbed out of bed and immediately called my Mom (a nurse) and asked her if it's possible to swallow something like a nut, and if so, could that be causing the fever and cough. Sure enough, she thought it was possible...

The day was spent at the Urgent Care...the doctor took x-rays but ended up feeling like it might just be pneumonia. My husband didn't have the best feeling about the exam and felt in his gut we should get a second opinion. We waited for the radiologist for the final word...and because the x-ray was inconclusive, decided to take our little guy to the local Children's Hospital.

After another round of (horrifying) x-rays and examination, it was determined that we would be spending Friday night at the hospital...and a bronchoscopy would be necessary Saturday morning to check for any stray cashew nuts.

Who knew the pulse ox monitor was enough to completely freak out this little guy:

Taking some selfies made him feel better though:

The bed remote did provide a lot of entertainment (and inconvenience for the nurses--sorry!) the black brace is a cover for his IV...

After a restless night in that horrible hospital chair (seriously, couldn't they make the chair lock open so you don't fold up constantly!) Cole was about to catch a nod...and then we had to head out to the OR.

The hospital was extremely nice! They had a little play area just outside of the operating room:

A bronchoscopy was done under general anesthesia. That was honestly the most nerve wracking part, sending him off...the the nurses were so loving and reassuring that they would take good care of him. My big brother is also a family practice doctor---a HUGE reassurance + help. He warned me they would likely need to do a bronchoscopy and gave me a reassuring rundown. It's nice having a doctor in the family!!

Sure enough, he inhaled multiple pieces of cashew nut! Apparently the lower lobe of his lung was completely blocked off with a piece of nut and fluid...essentially his lower lung was completely collapsed and he had pneumonia.

We anticipated going home after the bronchoscopy, but due to the extent of the pneumonia, the doctors felt it was best for us to spend a second night in the hospital.

After the procedure, Cole was groggy, but enjoyed having his big brother with him...{they were fighting about 30 seconds after this picture was taken...I knew everything was okay!}

After two days, he finally was willing to accept his pulse ox monitor...I think the light was showing it was working (?)

The bodies of children are amazing! An adult would likely be in bad shape, meanwhile this little two year old body was still going strong...the doctor was amazed!

Once the anesthesia wore off, he was ready to go home...and plotting his escape. He let the nurses and doctors know he wanted to go home and wanted to go outside...

He was discharged from the hospital by lunch on Sunday. We are so thankful for the wonderful care that we received. We are thankful that this was a relatively minor situation. We are thankful that our little guy is on the mend and home!

Here is an exhausted momma and little boy right before they sent us home...

I had kept relatively quiet, letting a few friends + family know what what was happening...but the more I thought about it, the more I felt like I should share this experience. It is possible for children to inhale food when you think they "choked" on something...I had no idea!

Facebook Comments Plugin Bloggerized by BloggerTricks.Biz

Birthday Business {Family}

It is hard to believe that I have a 5 year old. {How did that happen?}

Time flies when you're having fun, right?!

This past week we celebrated my first baby's birthday. He is growing and changing so much. He keeps us laughing + constantly entertained. He is so inquisitive and shocks us with his intelligence, big heart, willingness to learn. It is so much fun to see the world through his eyes. We are so blessed to have Callum as our child...

Leading up to Callum's birthday, it had been a flurry of activity. My Mom surprised Callum by flying in for a quick visit. He was so confused when he first saw her at the airport. It was very sweet. Of course we tried to show my Mom a good time, visiting the zoo, science museum, local park, and a variety of stores.

To prepare for my mom's arrival, I was finding myself creating new curtains and random decorations for the house, and finishing two baby gifts I had started a few weeks ago and hadn't finished. Normal, right?

Oh, and I loved that my 5 year old requested that I make the Pioneer Woman Chocolate Strawberry Nutella Cake. It is seriously that delicious. It's so good that I actually made it twice, once as a cake for the actual birthday and once as mini cupcakes (just bake for 13 minutes!) a few days prior. It's delicious every time.

Happy Birthday to my Big Guy!

Facebook Comments Plugin Bloggerized by BloggerTricks.Biz

What Happened to My Baby? {Life}

It has suddenly {finally} dawned on me that my baby is not really a baby any more. It's exciting to hear him talk up a storm, and tell me what he wants and needs. He loves feeding the dog, all by himself. It's slightly annoying to hear him tell me "no" and insist on buckling his car seat like his big brother. But really it's amazing to see him grow. 

All of the sudden, bedtime was turning into a nightmare. Our little guy was refusing to sleep. He's stopped napping {just in time for school to start-womp wah!} and all of the sudden was completely fighting me about going into his crib. And then having a bloody-murder scream fest once he was in his crib. {awesome!}

Two children in, I've realized I don't always have the fight. {Pick Your Battles?!} As much as I'd love him to just do whatever I'd like...it's just not always possible. He's growing up. So when it dawned on me that his screams were because he was flipping about being in his crib, I pulled him out of bed, and then pulled his mattress out of the crib and tossed it floor...removing the mattress has completely turned things around. He loves sleeping in his big boy bed! No crying! No screaming! And his big brother loves tucking him in, it's adorable. 

Now we're dealing with early wake ups...oh well. 

I am working on tons of projects and have a bunch to share, so stay tuned! 

Facebook Comments Plugin Bloggerized by BloggerTricks.Biz

First Day of {Pre} School (and a quick teacher gift) {DIY}

School started today. Yikes. It's hard to believe...

Starting last year, I edited a back to school picture to include some information...nothing too fancy, but it's nice to have a little reminder and to compare from year to year. This year I somehow edited the picture into a strange size, so I'm not sure it will print easily...and I might have to remake it. 

This guy is getting so big, so fast! 

I think the day went well. My son was excited + reported that he had a good day. No one cried. He had a cupcake because it was some one's birthday in his class. He can't remember her name....or anyone elses name. Oh well. He told me he painted. I was please to find a painting in his "pack pack."

Here are a few pictures from our little photo session:

Oddly enough, the "pack pack" was what helped him decide he WANTED to go back to school. It came in the mail last Friday and he asked every day if it was school yet...who knew!?

Of course enjoying a pb+j for lunch...

Brothers <3 p="">

Thankfully, my husband was able to come home at lunch and see our big buy off...and he offered to snap a shot with me in it!! {that rarely ever happens!}

Here he is as we dropped him off...someday there will be grass...now there is just caution tape and lots of dirt!

Walking in:

Waiting his turn to hand his teacher a back to school gift:

And here is what I made for the back to school gift:

I purchased a water bottle on sale at Old Navy (of all places...)  I added a banner {KG Flavor and Frames font} and the teacher's initial {century gothic} using outdoor vinyl cut with my Silhouette. I used an adorable printable I found on pinterest, and printed off on card stock. About an hour before school, I ran to Walmart and picked up a variety of single serve drink mixes (the little packets that you just add water) and included them inside of the cup. Really, really easy. 

Facebook Comments Plugin Bloggerized by BloggerTricks.Biz

Military Coin Display {Simple DIY}

{Sorry for these pictures, we have no blinds still and the glare is terrible!}

I am extremely proud of my husband for his service to our country. Like his father, and grandfathers, my husband follows a strong family tradition of service. My husband joined the military beginning at West Point for his education and then continued to serve both at Ft. Carson (ultimately in Iraq) and at The Old Guard at Arlington Cemetery/Ft. Myer, VA. After four years of college, 5 years of active duty military service, and a lifetime as an Army Brat, my husband made the extremely difficult decision to leave the military. 

A long discussion for another day, but transitioning from the military was an extremely scary {for me} period of our married life. I really thought he would make a career of the military, and was proud of him for making this decision for our family...anyway, if you know anyone in the military, you know there is a lot of stuff that goes along with it, not just gear, but other stuff. Memorabilia. Coins, pins, unit crests, colors, mugs, glasses, t-shirts, etc. This was a huge part of our life, and I kind of had the feeling that we'd lived it, I didn't need any of it in my face, reminding me of the hard times, being apart, deployment, war. But now that I've had a little space + time, I thought it might be nice to finally bring a little bit of it into our life. 

While my husband was at work last week, I decided to pull out a shadow box frame that I had purchased at TJMaxx about 4 years ago...it's moved at least 3 times now. I pulled out the coins + memorabilia that he had jammed into a catchall wooden box on his dresser...I found pictures from when he was in the military, and using my trusty glue gun, I glued everything into the shadowbox. 

My husband was extremely happy to come home to find the display. I also framed an American flag that had been his father's, and framed the flag {the flag was not a standard frame size, so I purchased a larger frame, using the backing from the frame to cut a piece of burlap to size. I ironed the burlap, and then used spray glue to attach the burlap to the white side of the decorative insert in the frame. The flag has two small safety pins attached from when my father in law carried it on his ruck sack, so I used the pins to attach the flag to the burlap.} 

If you notice in the photo below, the frame originally had two pictures, with a display in the center....

After my husband helped me put the kids to bed, he told me how happy he was that I had decided to finally frame the flag + his coins...but...."he wished I had included his 'good coins'." {womp-wah} GOOD COINS? During the move, he had taken all of his really important coins and hid them just in case. I didn't realize that...and he hadn't pulled them out yet. Oops.

That night I tried to add all of the special coins, but it ended up entirely too cluttered. {double womp-wah!}

So the next morning, I used some scrap pieces of cardboard (probably the inside of packaging from something I'd bought?) and trimmed it to fit inside the frames, times three...one for each opening. I covered the cardboard with burlap (first ironing, then using spray glue to attach it to the cardboard.) I glued down the picture of my father in law pinning my husband's ranger tab...and then I carefully removed all of the glue from the coins and re-glued them down on the two displays. Now he has ALL of the coins and memorabilia in one place.

There are so many memories in that shadowbox. And while there were some challenging times, there are also some really great times and memories. We also have the coin that commemorates the Fallen Soldiers from his Iraq deployment...gone but never forgotten.

How do you display important memorabilia?

UPDATE: 

I received this update in an email from my mom, who has minimal internet saavy... a nice note worth sharing: 

"I display my memories in different ways. First and foremost, I make an indelible memory in my heart.

 I recall very clearly, the day Jim pinned the ranger tab on Chris. It was a poignant, proud moment. I cried. (Crying really makes it indelible!) Jim was so proud of Chris. Chris was so touched and proud to have earned his Dad's tab. It was a great moment, and I'm glad you put that picture in your display. 

I'm so proud that you are able to embrace the military part of your lives. It helped ( for better or worse) to define you, just as all the other experiences you have. You made a good display!

Love, mom"

Facebook Comments Plugin Bloggerized by BloggerTricks.Biz

Random things

It looks like SUMMER is finally here. This heat is impressive. I forgot what it feels like to be lingering around 100 degrees. 

My little guy is ready: 

For those of you (east coasters) who are unfamiliar with what a storm shelter looks like: this is ours. 

 There is a small pin towards the front that opens the lid...it slides back and there are steps inside. I don't have any pictures of the interior.

But I do have a picture of the interior of our house...I finally got a new rug. I like it. It was REALLY inexpensive. It will definitely do for now, while the kids are young + the dog prefers soiling carpet...

And that's all I've got for now...what's happening with you?

Facebook Comments Plugin Bloggerized by BloggerTricks.Biz

Hello...from Oklahoma

So it's been a crazy month (or so) but we are officially IN Oklahoma.

{And sorry for this very lengthy update!}

Our house in WV closed in the end of April. Thankfully the transition out went smoothly. We were extremely sad to leave.

Right before our packers + movers came, we discovered our decorative birdhouse was actually not decorative and became the home of a bluebird couple + 5 eggs. Having had disturbed the nest, we were concerned we'd ruined this little family, but I'm happy to share the new owners report frequent sitings of the bluebirds. According to an article I googled, bluebirds are extremely forgiving of human contact with their nests/eggs, I was so happy to hear that because I was so upset to think I had ruined this family's home!

{aren't they just beautiful?}

Before shipping out, we had a wonderful final visit with my brother + his family. They leave for Europe this summer, and will live there for a few years, so it was great to see the cousins together for one last visit.

We also had an impromptu {half} birthday party of Callum. I'd been feeling super guilty that I had never had all of his friends over in the fall for a birthday party. Coincidentally, his half birthday fell right in the week we were planning on moving. So, we had friends + cupcakes. And newts. One of Callum's friends had found a bunch of newts: it was seriously the best entertainment ever! The children were so enthralled. It was amazing.

We said our {very sad} goodbyes to the wonderful people we'd met in WV. The children had their final days of pre-school. We had the packers + movers at the house while we attended school. One of the highlights would be the "condiment swap..." I knew we couldn't bring all of the condiments and random items from our freezer and fridge for the long trip, so I brought it to our pre-school and gave everything away...it made me happy to share + thankful to not have to throw so much away!

After 2 days of packing + 2 days of loading, the moving truck pulled out.

The new owners to our former house were moving in over a weekend, and so we quickly cleaned and hit the road in the mid-afternoon. We made it into Ohio, stopping about 4 hours out...and then completed the trip to Oklahoma the following day, probably like 18 hours. I never, ever want to do that again. We hadn't planned on making the second day so long, but things just kind of worked out that way...and we felt like we'd rather push, otherwise we'd have to stop find a dog-friendly hotel somewhere in Missouri, and then have hours and hours of travel ahead of us the third day.

We spent about 2 weeks in a temporary house that my husband's employer provided. It was perfect. And had a king sized bed. Somehow even in a bed so big, it seemed like someone was a bed hog...

We had a total headache with closing and our bank. Long story, but it was miserable. Thankfully everything worked out, but it was a huge, huge headache.

We closed on our new house about two weeks ago. That night we headed out to purchase appliances! {Yay!} And our household goods arrived the day after closing. We had something like 200 boxes. Thousands of pounds of STUFF. No basement, but usable attic. We sort of tore through whatever we could during the first few days, but the following weekend the news was advising of some bad weather.  Thankfully, my husband had been paying attention to the warnings, and he urged us to move into our new house that weekend instead of waiting until we had to be out of the temporary housing.

Thankfully we did!!

The first night we spent in the new house was also my baby's 2nd birthday. How did he get so big? He talks. He blows bubbles. He has the most heartwarming giggle. This week he decided he wanted to use the potty {which we still had no washing machine delivered...so thankfully that stalled!}

That was Saturday.

Sunday we woke up to some alerts of severe weather. And that afternoon we had to use our brand new storm shelter for the first time. It was all strange and slightly scary. We were hearing alerts and they were saying whatever was happening was very close. My husband + I kept looking out every window, the TV, the Internet, each other, thinking is it time? Do we go to the shelter? The baby was in his bed napping, and the second he woke up, I put him in the Ergo and was urging the dog into the shelter for the first time. We had grabbed a few things we anticipated being really important and irreplaceable...we had the iPad and my parents on the phone reporting locations...and only a few minutes later came out to a pile of hail and news reports that a tornado touched down about 10 minutes east of our house, with severe damage further to the northeast.

Yowzer.

The following day the tornado in Moore touched down.

Quite the welcome to Oklahoma.

I was near tears on Tuesday when I had to purchase food for the first time. I saw countless people filling shopping carts with food, drinks, and supplies for victims and recovery workers.

I keep reminding myself that every place on Earth has something. Volcanoes. Earthquakes. Flooding. Sandstorms. Hurricanes. Freak blizzards. Tornadoes...

The local TV has a catchphrase "be weather aware" and I feel like I'm probably weather obsessed, but I'm sure after some time this all wont be so alarming...or we'll move...again...

Facebook Comments Plugin Bloggerized by BloggerTricks.Biz

Howdy from Oklahoma!

Well, it's official, we are in Oklahoma. I swear our road was not that sloped in WV. We booked it out of town about 2 hours after the movers left, and we finished cleaning for the new owners. We made it midway through Ohio before stopping for the night, thinking we didn't want to push our luck with the kids...they woke up bright and early the following morning, so we got on the road by 830am...and drove and drove, through the time change, into some rain, out of the rain, and actually all the way to our final destination in central Oklahoma in the middle of the night. Yikes. The kids were awesome.

{I should add: before we left some of our friends from pre-school had given us some going away gifts, and what a HUGE difference they made for us during the trip. Simple things like prepackaged treats, bones for the dog, atlas dry erase maps so we could track our progress. Oddly enough, the most frustrating part of the trip was the car dvd player I purchased but randomly didn't work. Extremely frustrating!}

We ended up arriving a few days ago, and have been in the process of getting settled into a long-term rental where we will live for a few weeks until our new house is finished. It's been fun getting to get the hang of a new place. It's nice to check out stores that we didn't have locally before. We have also had some amazing summer-like weather.

It was great to show our boys the new house:

I ended up sending my sewing machine with the movers, but still have projects to share from before the move...so hopefully I'll be back soon...

Facebook Comments Plugin Bloggerized by BloggerTricks.Biz